I recently had a conversation with one of our sisters Kim who is going through a tough time in her life. She and her life partner have been together for 10 years. Her partner is in a lot of pain in life and is choosing to deal with that it by drinking to dull the pain. When Kim’s partner drinks it puts an incredible amount of stress on their relationship. Kim used to be a happy person before the drinking started. When her partner drinks, it has a huge impact on Kim. She feels sad, hurt, overwhelmed, and even angry at times. Kim can’t understand why her partner chooses to drink to numb her pain. She has tried an endless number of things to help her partner with her drinking and with the pain. Kim has focused a lot of her energy on trying to find a way to help her partner. Kim is now realizing that her partner’s drinking problem is making her into someone she doesn’t want to be.
Kim is not alone in letting someone else’s problem become her problem. I meet a lot of women who take on the problems of the people they love. It is very common for women to get so focused on helping someone else and that person’s tough time in life becomes theirs. I believe you and I live in a world where we are conditioned to believe that being compassionate, nurturing and loving is to take on other people’s stuff. I also believe that is very dangerous territory for us.
Here’s why. Everything, and I do mean everything, in your life happens for a reason. What you focus your energy on you receive, that’s how the law of attraction works. So if you choose to focus your energy on someone’s problems, you attract the energy of those problems. If Kim chooses to be consumed by her partner’s drinking problem and put a lot of energy on the pain her partner feels, Kim is attracting pain into her life. This is why Kim is becoming someone she doesn’t want to be.
Have you ever heard of the art of allowing? The art of allowing is about letting others have their journey. Part of the human experience is to learn, grow and expand. So when people you love are going through a part of their journey that grows and expands them, rather than being consumed by their pain, their problems or their struggles, it is best to love them through it without letting their stuff consume you and your energy. Love them, nurture them and feel compassion for them without letting their problems become your problems. Loving, nurturing and having compassion does not mean you have to fix someone else’s problems. It doesn’t mean you have to let their tough times in life become your tough times in life. Love them and be there for them with a healthy boundary for you. Recognize that they are in a growth cycle and they are getting lessons in the tough time. Share your love and light with them without absorbing their energy. Love them through the tough time without focusing your energy on their stuff. The key is to be aware where you are focusing your energy. Choose to focus your energy on loving the person!
Are you or have you owned someone else’s tough time to the point that you attracted their energy? Are you conscious to love someone having tough times with healthy boundaries? Share your comments with our sisterhood. We all learn and grow together when we share!